Miami Beach Signs II: Signs of the Beach

Beach and Near Beach Signage.  Or should I say Miami Beach Beach Signage? 

When I took this photo, purple and green flags were flying.  Low hazard, and dangerous marine life are indicated.  Sharks, but not horrible sharks?  Or maybe jellyfish, but you could eat them before they could eat you?  Slow moving salt water crocodiles?  A close up of the Rip Currents instruction manual is given below. 

That's not all you can't do while on the dunes.  No walking on through around or by the dunes, except on the designated walk ways.  

I understand diving is really hazardous here.  

Oh rats.  

Lets see, no fun, no entertainment, no man's best friend, no boozing it up, no imbibing anything non-alcoholic in a glass bottle, no wine glasses.  And no unauthorized vending of wine from a skateboard!  Please move all vending machines away from the boardwalk.  Now about that animal ban:  "You're under arrest".  "But officer, it's not my seagull!" 

No feeding of that animal that you're not allowed to bring.  

I love these instruction manuals.  Need these in all places that have rip currents especially.  And watch for those underwater obstructions.  You know, that dead manatee that sank after no one was allowed to feed it.  And a web site to visit back in your hotel room, assuming of course that you avoided the rip current on your current (hah hah, pun intended) visit.  All joking aside however, there are lots of these rip tides (undertow appears to be another name for the same phenomenon) -- and the impression I get from scanning the web site is that they can form and disappear and that one person can get caught and someone right next to them in the ocean might not even notice the rip tide.  Some folks have even been dragged out even from a position standing on the bottom or even from as little as about 3 yards out.  So do read the sign and follow the instructions if you get caught. 

Parking Signs of Miami Beach

Another in our Signs of the Times posts.  This from Miami Beach. 

Miami Beach came with lots and lots of instructions and we've got signs and signs to share with you.  This first post covers Miami Beach parking instructions.  My my.  So many cars, so few parking spots, and so so many instructions.

A parking inspector gadget for paying for street parking.  If you can find a parking spot, this gadget will let you pay for it.  Notice how much fine print there is, how many details?  Is this really consonant with the claim of 1-2-3 Park?  How long till the marks figure out to damage the solar panel on all the machines, and then no one can buy a parking permit? And put the parking ticket in your windshield, where the Miami Beach heat will wilt it till the printing is invisible. 

And here's the street signage telling you to find the parking inspector gadget.  

A model of clarity.  Clearly this belongs in the parking signage hall of fame.  It appears residents can park here, even though it is a tow-away zone?  But residents only?  Or residents only from 6pm to 7am?  And from 7am to 6pm on Sun through Friday, is it no parking at all or can anyone park here?  Or only cars that wish to be towed away?  And nothing like multiple instructions for Sunday.  Dumpster?  What dumpster? 

Sweet.  Boot my car, and still the customers won't be able to park here.  And if I buy dinner, will you unboot me? 

No spell checkers allowed. 

Let's see.  No parking, tow zone, private property, closed circuit TV.  Wonder what's on? 

Another PhD required to comprehend this sign.  Let's see: tow away zone but not if disabled permit?, reserved parking for Haddon Hall, and Van ok with disabled permit. 

And where am I supposed to park if the Valet is parking here?  Don't those guys take mass transit anyway? 

Clear enough.  I guess the solar powered gadget hasn't been installed here yet. 

A personal favorite.  This picture is to give you an idea of the surround.  The next picture gives you details of what the sign says. 

I had to wait for the wind to blow most of the leaves away so I could even get this much of the sign. 

Is that a singular mopeds and a plural bicycle?  Everyone else is being towed by Beach Towing.  How about here?  Or maybe they'll boot me. 

These last four signs are instructions for using this parking structure.  Parking in Miami Beach is an incredibly complex activity, requiring months of study before you dare to leave your car alone in one of these structures.  And nobody over 6 feet 8 inches.  Yao Ming will have to duck. 

No motorcycles or scooters.  And what if I want to park my motorcycle in out of the rain?  That's sheer prejudice.  Entry is always prohibited except for three activities.  Makes it easy, just don't breathe!

Why is there a monthly rate if its 24 hour parking only?  Or is 24 hour parking referring to how much you're allowed in any one day?  Anyone parking here 28 hours in one day is in violation of the rules.  Daily rates are not cheap.  Better to buy the monthly rate if you plan to visit all day every Saturday. 

Another manual explaining with pictures how to operate the facility.  Approach the solar powered parking ticket machine.  Go sailing on the water.  (Or perhaps that's a metaphor for the pleasure you will receive from interacting with the machine.) Return to the parking ticket machine.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Hopefully once you pay on foot, the fact that it takes an hour or three to get your car out, they still let you exit the structure.  Perhaps one should go at intermission and pay the parking fee, then go back to your show, and exit the structure later? 

Broken Things

Its seemed roughly one third of all the buildings and hotels were undergoing restoration.  Active reconstruction was restricted to a very few buildings and to the streets.  Even my hotel was undergoing reconstruction while we were in it.  That was unpleasant during the day time. 

Need to put the railings back on these balconies.  And paint the undersides too. 

Streets were all torn up.  Here is the local tiddly-wink collection.  

Nicely taped in blue.  I thought it was the usual Miami Beach blue trim til I paid closer attention.  

Only the exterior remains.  The interior is all gone.  

This one is almost ready.  

Sinkholes can hit anywhere.  

This building was unique in shape and size and I wondered what was in it, and then realized that it was undergoing renovation like all the others.  

Nice set of high dives, right into the dry pool.  This entire building was closed off.  

This looks like its been rotated sideways, but its not.  This is a close up of the ground floor doorways from inside to the outside.  

Big Buildings and Balconies in Miami Beach

Most of these pictures were taken from along the boardwalk or on the beach, though there are exceptions.  The patterns formed are pretty.  I thought about breaking this post into smaller posts, but there isn't any guiding substructure to select a subset.  Each of these pictures is of the balconies on a large building.  Some buildings have two or even three shots.  Enjoy. 

Gold balconies.  A larger shot of this building shows up later. 

Dramatic weather.  This building stands tall in the face of a storm.   

 These next three shots are of the same building.  Sure looks like the Borg set up shop here, all the balconies have the same equipment on them. 

It's a pretty building.  

This picture is more fun on its side.  

White balconies with black railings.  

This building reminded me of the council chambers in Star Wars.  I expected each balcony to fly off and land whenever occupants needed to get to the beach.  

 Tall skinny drink of a building slice.  The width of the shot increases with the height of the building. 

 See through balcony walls.  Intimidating if you've a fear of heights. 

This golden building glowed when hit properly by the sun. 

 Older building with open block style railings. 

That's one way to get up and down, and you don't have to wait on the elevator.   

These next three are of the same building.  Stonehenge on top.  

Protruding side wing balconies.   

Round end-cap.

This art deco building's staggered balconies make a pretty pattern.  

Not sure what's in the spire.  The penthouse suite or a rotating restaurant?  

Miami Beach Beach Number III: Weather Goeth the People

Before every important storm, people must go to the beach. 

Storm front moving in.  This one, while ominous, did not drop rain in my vicinity. 

A view of the cloud front.  This did help empty the beach some.  

 Someone plying the waves above the ocean. 

Just before taking a dip in the ocean.  Then they pulled him back out of the water.  

The waves are so strong that you can see the angle at the horizon.  

A cloud growing up out to sea.